Mondo Celluloid - Review » INTERVIEW: TERRY F. SMITH, “SEDUCING CINDY”

INTERVIEW: TERRY F. SMITH, “SEDUCING CINDY”

Leave it to a Mondo Celluloid contributor to end up on a reality television show…

Terry F. Smith, who used to work at The Art Theatre of Long Beach (where we host our midnight series) and who contributed a few articles to the site last year, surprised us with news that his recent disappearance was due to a stint on Fox Reality Channel’s new show Seducing Cindy, which airs Saturdays at 9pm Pacific/8pm Central. After watching the show’s trailer and pilot episode, we met up with Terry at his regular hangout, Lola’s Authentic Mexican Cuisine in Long Beach CA, to ask him about Cindy, reality television, and the mystery behind his brash alter ego, Terry “Fucking” Smith.

So for the unfamiliar, who is Cindy Margolis? One often hears that she is “the most downloaded woman on the internet” - who was she before she became this internet sensation?

To her credit, all this Suicide Girls - all this stuff - she pretty much started that. But yeah, she’s been around since back when the internet first started. There’s a classic old picture of her sitting with her legs open, and she’s straddling a Mac, and that sort of sums it up. She’s really smart - how she started was, basically she’s a Jewish girl from the valley, and she was taking marketing classes, and took this picture, this pin-up picture, and made some postcards and they sold like crazy and she took off. She did calendars, next thing you know she’s a Barker Beauty, on Price Is Right. She was on Ally McBeal, she was a Femme Bot in Austin Powers. First time I heard of her was on the Howard Stern show - she’s been on Stern a lot. They mentioned she was the most downloaded woman. Still, I’m surprised most people under 20 know who she is. But yeah, she’s great. She’s smoking hot, too.

Yeah, I remember Howard used to have her on a lot.

Yeah. I’m 44 now, and I remember when Howard was on KROQ and you could barely listen to him anywhere. She was on there, she did Lingerie Bowl - Howard just loved her. It’s crazy - people in their 20’s know she is, and people my age don’t.

How many episodes is the show, and how far along is the taping?

It’s done! Eight episodes.

OK - so you mentioned to me when we set up this interview that one of the things you loved about Cindy is that she “got the whole ‘Terry Fucking Smith’ thing.” What exactly is the “Terry Fucking Smith” thing?

Basically it started when I was in college. I’m a writer, so I’ve been writing for a long time, and you know I’m a very fucking snappy, witted, cold-blooded debater, and I’ll rip people to pieces, but back then I never really did it, because I’m nice. I got in a fight with my college enemy Richard - we didn’t like each other, it was a big rivalry. I posted an ad with an insulting comment on it up in the film department - it almost started World War III on campus - and while I did all that I switched my name to Terry Fucking Smith on it. It sort of grew while it was in school - Terry Fucking Smith is sort of my Tyler Durden. The things that I wouldn’t ordinarily say, I would type them up and sign them as Terry Fucking Smith. If you go on my Facebook, you’ll see there’s a lot of people who love Terry Fucking Smith. He’s the anti-bully. He’s not quite - angry - he’s the anti-bully. I have this sort of look, like a character actor - you don’t know if I’m nice, or if I’m fucking nuts. I’ve always stood up for the little guy. The actual incident I’m referring to, it was one of those situations - someone picking on someone they shouldn’t have been. I was on America’s Toughest Jobs on ABC, and a P.A. gave me these silver-rimmed glasses - I’ve had them ever since. This girl came up to me after I put them on and asked me who I was, and I said “I’m Terry Fucking Smith!” and everyone went nuts. So yeah, I run with it. Someone said it’s Lenny Bruce meets Johnny Cash. But I think of him as my Tyler Durden. Chuck Palahniuk’s the reason I keep writing. Fight Club is sort of…a model. Everyone’s got a Terry Fucking Smith in them. In the last century, people have forgotten how to say “No.”

How did you come to be on the show?

Craigslist.

You just answered a Craigslist ad?

That’s it. Responded to a Craigslist casting ad.

And of the guys who responded, how many got to be on the show?

24. Out of tens of thousands.

Very cool!

When I went in, I went in like I’m talking to you now. I had the Elvis shades on my forehead. I said I’ve always known who Cindy is - she’s fucking hot. I said I know you’re gonna fill the show up with a bunch of douche bags, so I told them (putting his glasses on): On camera, I’m Terry FUCKING Smith, I don’t give a shit about douche bags, I don’t take shit, I wear my muscles on the inside where it counts, and I’m gonna make sure Terry gets a chance with Cindy. And they were like, Dude - where’ve you been all our lives? And you’ve seen the promos, you’ve seen these dudes - you’ve seen Timmy Z, the guy with the big chin, the lowest common denominator bully -

Well what’s up with the dude with the eyeliner and the big beard?

Well yeah, my favorite line about him: Glenn Danzig meets Dave Navarro, without the talent.

Who is that??

His name is Noel - I don’t want to give the rest of his name cuz I don’t want to give him a full plug. You fucking find him. He’s in from Arizona, he’s a tattooed long-bearded 30-year-old guy, and a self-proclaimed one-man-rock-band. I’ve saved you from looking at his shit on Youtube. If you wanna check out Youtube, go to TerryFucking Smith and check out my shit. But yeah - that’s his whole, like, borrowed kind of look. Dude had eight suitcases.

Well it looks like they ran the gamut with the contestants. Younger guys, older guys. There’s a 71-year-old guy on there. How are these guys eliminated? Does Cindy personally go down the list and make her eliminations, or are there judges?

Yeah, John (the 71-year-old contestant) was a very cool dude. Timmy Z - he’s a total douche bag. He’s one of the biggest douche bags on the planet. He could be Ed Hardy Douche Bag of the Year. But yeah, Cindy gets to choose from the ‘Seducers.’

Is he the guy who says “We probably won’t get along” in the promo when he’s talking to the older guy?

Yeah. Fist-pumping douche bag.

Who’s idea was the show?

Cindy’s idea!

Who produced it?

Andrew Glassman - Glassman Media. But yeah, she went in there and was like, I’m looking for someone. Totally legit. She can’t go on Match.com - she’s Cindy Margolis. She’s been married most her life. She’s looking for a relationship, totally legit.

Does she have any children?

Yeah, and she actually wrote a book about it - Having a Baby…When the Old-Fashioned Way Isn’t Working. She’s very vocal about in vitro fertilization. There’s actually a great Challenge on the show where Cindy comes walking in with a nurse and a bunch of sperm donation cups.

Whoa! Are they testing for virility or…quantity?

Well she personally knows how to examine the sperm to check for, like, the quality. She learned all that when she was working to get pregnant.

Were there any fights?

Constantly.

But like, fist fights?

A couple dudes got tapped out here and there. Jeffrey James…he’s a jujitsu master, he’s fucking huge, but he’s got the brain of a fucking walnut, and he’s self-obsessed. Douche Ninja. All he does is talk about himself. And Timmy Z - seriously, if you’ve seen the first episode - if you’ve seen any of it - seriously, everyone wants to fucking drown him in the pool. I swear to God - I’m not a violent guy, but I wanted to knock the guy out. One time he was just calling people faggot - faggot this, faggot that - just going on and on, faggot faggot faggot - and I was like, “Dude, I have a lot of gay friends, I have a lot of lesbian friends - if you keep saying that shit I’m gonna fucking drown you in this pool.” I’ve never seen anyone step back three steps faster. The guy’s a fucking douche bag.

Who were your allies?

The Four Horsemen. Kenny Fucking Doane, Art Ortiz, and Eric Chine, and myself.

Were these guys all L.A., Long Beach people?

No, they came from all over. Texas - John game from England. Josh (Harraway) is a professional Tupac impersonator. He’s actually lied in the exact freezer Tupac’s corpse laid in in this reenactment of his murder.

Did Fox over-censor or clean anything up?

Not really. They made people look better. Timmy Z’s a total douche bag on the show, but he’s ten times worse in real life.

Did you all have to live together?

Oh yeah. All of us in this big house. And we were all cut off too - no phones, no e-mail. It was like being in fucking prison. No TV, no phones. Just me in a house full of muscle-bound douche bags.

Well I love the concept, but based on the premise of the show, it seems there won’t be a Season Two?

No, man. I hope she finds love. Maybe the Season Two will be following her with the guy she ends up with?

What are some other great things people can expect from the show?

It’s almost like a horror movie. Something crazy happens every day - people just drop. There’s a pretty bad accident - a roll over. It’s wild. There’s a lot of conflict. A lot of drama.

So if you don’t end up with Cindy, what’s next for you?

I’m reading some child care books to learn how to best take care of me and Cindy’s children.

And let’s say she doesn’t choose you - what other woman would you brave being shacked up with a bunch of douche bags for?

You know… I think the tide would turn towards what woman would be good enough for me. I think it might even go to my own search for true love. Have a bunch of really got 20-year-olds who don’t have fathers, who have issues, and call it Who’s Your Daddy.

Who’s Your Terry.

Exactly! Yeah, but people are gonna see - funny isn’t Timmy Z. Funny isn’t being a douche bag, funny isn’t balancing shit on your head. Funny is being smart, being charming. As a writer and an actor, no telling where this could go. I’m not saying I’m gonna be the next action hero, but I’m getting tons of support. A dating show of my own…fuck, maybe she could produce it!

Is the show on Twitter?

Yeah, it’s at http://twitter.com/seducingcindy. She runs it herself.

Any closing words?

When I got home from the show I wrote to Guinness Book of World Records to claim the record of most profane reality television host. They said they can’t give it to me quite yet because they haven’t seen the show, but they said they’re coming out with a book of the most interesting and unique claims, and I made that book for sure. Other than that…I never have any last words. I’ll be saying more fucking shit as soon as you turn that thing off!

-Logan Crow
February 1, 2010
Long Beach, CA

Terry F. Smith’s Facebook Page

Terry F. Smith’s website

Pictures from Seducing Cindy premiere party (by Last Night Elixir)

Terry Fucking Smith shapes up for reality TV

“Seducing Cindy” airs on Fox Reality Channel, Saturdays at 9pm Pacific/8pm Central.