MY BLOODY VALENTINE 3-D
THE SLASHER FLICK IS BACK!
All hail My Bloody Valentine 3-D, as unrelentingly violent, gory, and ridiculous as any slasher film I stayed up late to watch as a sick kid in the early 80’s. Almost instantly, director Patrick Lussier announces that his film will not be another PG-13 horror-lite retread - with not one but two bloodbaths occurring within the first 10 minutes, the foul taste in my mouth still lingering from last year’s Prom Night remake finally washed away.
So did, incidentally, my fears that the brutal violence in the upcoming Last House on the Left remake would be toned down for the tweener set. A few months ago I caught a screening of an early cut of that film with a friend whose passion for gore and horror exceeds my own, and we both walked out with two similar reactions: 1) that was, to our great surprise, awesome!, and 2) there’s no way they’re going to release that film as-is.
Credit My Bloody Valentine 3-D (and credit those of us who gave it its $24 Million weekend take) for what will no doubt be an onslaught of similarly gruesome gorefests (hopefully not all of which will be rushed through the system). And yes, at long last!, herald the return of the 3-D horror flick, a brilliant idea in its time that was sadly wasted on some terrible movies (Friday the 13th 3-D, Jaws 3-D…), and that may have needed to wait some time for technology to bring it to its full potential.
As with Beowulf before it, My Bloody Valentine 3-D isn’t satisfied with simply using the technology for those knife-in-your-face moments (although there are several, and they all very effective) - here, the possibilities of 3-D in creating mood and atmosphere are put on tremendous display. Never before have the long corridors of a creepy dank mine seemed more ominous - as our characters make their slow decent towards almost certain death, we’re right there with them, watching the walls pass us by as the strange figure in the distance comes ever closer. Almost as fun as watching the film was watching the audience, bucking and jerking as if on a roller coaster, a sea of smiles and black glasses jumping and ducking and screaming for more. Knowing that someone’s about to jump out at you is one thing; there really is nothing like knowing it’s going to come at you in 3-D. The anticipation is a rush onto itself - the delivery is a cathartic blast.
Is this a good film? Of course not! There is a well-intentioned but ultimately ill-advised attempt at legitimacy with the introduction of two subplots, one of which involves a real estate transaction that doesn’t sit well with the local townsfolk, and the other a love triangle. Of course both of these are meant to add to the who-done-it mystery of the film, establish motives for our round of suspects, etc., but ultimately, when you’ve got graphic decapitations and beyond-gratuitous nudity and midget women being tossed about like rag dolls (personal note: it was great to see burlesque dancer, and former Parlour Club regular, Selene Luna in the humorous role of motel owner), who cares? On the other hand, one may argue that the needless plot distractions were a further throwback to the 80’s slasher thrillers the film was celebrating - the acting in this film, by virtually every actor, is extremely arch, especially by the male leads who ooze such a high level of hero-machismo as to imply that the actors were told to keep tongues firmly in cheek and have fun with genre conventions. Whichever is the case, there is so much violence and suspense in this film that the moments of “plot” feel annoying and forced, but ultimately don’t take away from the total genre success that this film is.
My Bloody Valentine 3-D is a great slasher flick, and it’s been a while since we got one. This film would be fun enough without the glasses, but getting those pickaxes thrown our way, watching those eyeballs get poked out in full 3-D glory, getting trapped behind a box spring along with our nude heroine as our killer slashes at us - it’s an experience and an event, and one that I hope (and that I don’t doubt) we will get more of.
And to the producers behind the Last House of the Left remake - seriously, leave it alone. You’ve done a great job - as far as I’m concerned, between your film and My Bloody Valentine 3-D, you may start to revert public opinion that all remakes are useless, sterilized pieces of cinematic shit. Don’t touch it - it was as brutal and disturbing as the original, and in some ways, perhaps more so.
3 Comments on “MY BLOODY VALENTINE 3-D”
Comment:
January 20th, 2009 at 10:34 am
What they don;t tell you in the trailers is that the film is only 3D in SELECTED CINEMAS, everywhere else is showing it flat. As I found out when I went to see this at my local Showcase on Sunday.
January 20th, 2009 at 11:46 am
Too lame! Yeah there are a few theatres in my area as well that are playing it flat - I think advertisements for 3-D screenings say something like “In Real-D”.
January 20th, 2009 at 10:51 pm
Just read this on IMDB.
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Stabbing At Horror Movie Screening
20 January 2009 11:02 AM, PST
A teenage movie fan has been stabbed following a New York screening of gruesome horror movie My Bloody Valentine 3-D.
An unnamed 16-year-old boy reportedly refused to leave the Long Island, New York theatre after the film had finished on Sunday night and began fighting with security guard Ricardo Singh, 24.
The youngster was stabbed during the tussle and admitted to Winthrop University Hospital, where he received treatment for his injuries and was subsequently released.
Singh was arrested, charged with second-degree assault and is set to be arraigned on Tuesday.